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Third Boob Confirmed

Saturday, October 10th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments

All this time I was kidding with my husband that the annoyingly large lump of fat under my arm was an extra boob….and it turns out to be true.

As a good 40 year old woman, I went in for a mammogram after my birthday and they did their usual squishing your boobs in between two cold slabs of metal tests but I asked them to check the lump which keeps getting larger with the weight gain just to be sure it wasn’t something harmful.

Since hitting puberty, the underarm lump with a dimple right smack in the middle of it has prevented me from wearing strapless clothes because of my problem with it. While I see it peaking out of most women’s strapless wear and doctor’s have told me it’s normal fatty tissue, I can’t get over it and won’t wear anything revealing. Although I did wear a strapless wedding dress, the ugly fatty head made its way into the photo album. Oh, well! That was my only exception for the special day. Bathing suits are another matter. I had one bathing suit which I loved because I could tuck the sucker in but it no longer fits me and I have not been able to find a similar one to do the job. But it’s not like I’ll be going to the beach or a pool anytime soon since I dislocated my shoulder in a Las Vegas pool for my birthday in 2007. I have a fear of pools now and beach is not happening either…well maybe if it’s on a tropical vacation.

So when I met my husband and he finally saw my naked body, he asked why the lump was there with a dimple. I referred to the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Total Recall” in which one of the mutants on Mars had three breasts. I teased him that I was a mutant with a third bosom and he laughed but I told him it was a natural lump according to the doctors who examined it.

At 40, that lump is the most annoying thing on my body while I’m PMS’ing. It’s sore, raw, and grows during that horrible period (cue the drum crash) so I complained about it to my current doctor who suggested I ask the Mammogram technicians to check during my appointment. So after the mammogram, the ultrasound lady tech checked and confirmed that there is breast tissue in the lump which explains the soreness and sensitivity during your menstrual cycle. I wondered if a plastic surgeon could suck the fat out of the thing but the lady tech replied that people have had more problems with the removal of it than just keeping it. Not that I would ever spend money on that, but the thought has crossed my mind.

But wouldn’t most men find a third bosom a turn on? More to play with? My husband didn’t buy that argument but he accepts me third boob and all.