sex
Forbidden Husband
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Oops! My husband finally read my iRate blog post and I’m in trouble.
I usually write my blogs from my iPhone notepad and send it to my private email for review and posting but I sent it to our shared email by mistake and he read it.
He knew I wrote this blog but he never read it and I didn’t want him to since he protested me writing about the whole baby thing. He’s a very private person and never discusses our private life with anyone, not even his friends. So when he read it, he DID NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT. Telling him this blog is anonymous didn’t help.
So I’m forbidden to write about him which is fair — I guess. So I deleted all the blogs about him and promised not to write specific things about him
Am I breaking the rule now by writing this? Probably!
20 Years Together
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 20 years together, five of those married. We kept it low key with an early dinner at the Redondo Beach pier, a walk at sunset and some arcade games where I kicked some Centipede butt. I still got it after all these years. Wasn’t so lucky at Galaga though.
My other half wanted to go to the place where we met and take a picture but I thought it was too far and I had to be in bed early for work. But it was a good idea because the goth club in Hollywood where we met is now a Home Depot. That was the site of some good times not just meeting my husband but hanging out with friends during our gothic phase. We stil try to go clubbing at least once a year to a different location in Hollywood – same music, same people – different attitude. It’s funny that the fashion hasn’t changed and a new crop of goths take on the same look and the music is still better then the crap out today.
We were so carefree and had all the energy of a teen but with our responsibilities and age, we don’t enjoy it the same and tire easily. Plus we don’t drink like we used to either which is not such a bad thing. At least we have some good memories from those days.
And as I think of our time together, it doesn’t feel like 20 years. We’ve had some really good times and some rocky moments but I know we still love each other the same and still want to hang out together (although I do need some ‘me time’ once a week).
I joked with him that we could have a twenty-year old kid by now and he cringed. We would totally be two different people by now if we had a child within that time – hell we might not even be together. He regrets not having kids sooner but he still feels we’re not financially ready. He’s a walking contradiction. Regardless. We have to get started soon.
But I always feel things work out for a reason and I’m happy we’re still together after all these years as I reach 40 next month. Argh!!!!
Diapers at 40?
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Okay, so I’m one month shy of my fortieth bday but isnt it to soon to be wearing Depends – old people diapers?
Since I can’t get to the gym because of my early work schedule, my other unpaid job, and hubby quality-time, I’ve been jumping rope in our small patio. Today I started jumping when I pee’d on myself. What? Yes, it’s true. I couldn’t believe it. And I had just emptied out the bladder.
Then after that I sneazed and had some leakage. I was like a kid again holding myself and doing the pee dance.
I’m gaining weight, sprouting grey hair, the baby clock ticking away and now I’m peeing on myself. Come on!
Okay so maybe I’m to blame for this one. I have a bad habit of holding my full bladder to the very end like now. Bathroom break!
Okay I’m back. And that reminds me. I hold it for so long when I do go it’s like the scene from Austin Powers after he’s unfrozen and pees for a long time. Just when you think he’s done – he starts the steady stream again. That’s me.
And to think an older lady told me back in college to save my young bladder from her dreaded problem. “Honey, when you’z got to go- go.”. Her problem was that she couldn’t hold it anymore and she would come in running into the UCLA Student Health break room (my office space) every day.
You think I listened? I tell myself I won’t do it anymore but then I do it again and again. I don’t want to interrupt my genius moment with a trip to the bathroom- I guess.
Oh, well. Like they say, we’re born in diapers and die in diapers. What a viscious cycle of life.
Grouchy Zombie
Saturday, July 11th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
You know you’re tired when you walk into the men’s restroom by accident, not once but twice. My 3am shift has me walking around like a zombie and in a bad mood all the time. Four months into the job and I still haven’t gotten used to the lack of sleep.
Both incidents happened at restaurants. At least when I walked into the men’s restroom the first time, I noticed the urinals right away and stopped in my tracks. Thank god there was no one using those urinals – hello! You would think I would check twice after that but no.
The next time on a Friday night at a Japanese restaurant, not only was I running on empty on snooze hours but I was starving and our friends were running half an hour late. One thing everyone knows about me is that when I’m hungry – feed me or get your head bitten off.
So with an empty stomach and zombie-like state, I went to the restroom. I walked straight into the stall and went about my business as usual. I was washing my hands when a tween boy walked in, stopped, looked at me, checked the sign outside the door and proceeded into the stall. I was thinking why is this boy coming into the women’s restroom and from the mirror watched his movement into the stall. That’s when I saw the urinals (cue the horror music) and I ran out of there so fast I nearly tripped over myself. How did I miss those horribly-looking urinals twice? The rest of the night I avoided running into that boy in the restaurant thinking either a) he told his siblings and parents and they were busy laughing or b) he was too embarrassed to mention it. Hopefully he went with option B.
I was horrified that whole night but thinking back, it was pretty funny. I’m just glad it was a boy and not a grown man who walked in. He would’ve pointed it out and that would have probably been my most embarrassing moment.
I’ve learned my lesson and think twice before walking into a public restroom. If now I can only master the bad mood part.
Mojo Hijack
Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
My husband is losing his mojo! That’s what he proclaimed yesterday as he struggled to keep up the energy for sex. For the past month, I have noticed the sex maniac was pestering me less every night and I’ve been the one initiating the advances.
Could he have predicted this coming? For years he’s been telling me that with age, men lose their mojo, so I should take advantage of it now…every day. “Good one”, I said but didn’t buy it. Sex twice to three times a week is a healthy request in my book but everyday…ouch!
Furthermore, my husband also heard that when women reach their forties they become more sexual and he couldn’t wait for our forties. Well he might have been right on that too. I’m not quite in my forties yet but I have been feeling a little friskier as of late especially during my mid-cycle when I’m ovulating. Some women have to take their temperature to know when they’re ovulating but not me. I feel the cramps when I’m ovulating which had me worried but my doctor said it’s normal. So despite the fact that I’m not actively looking to become pregnant, my raging hormones are in charge and knocking at my door (literally) to reproduce. Of course, I haven’t explained that to my husband as the reason for my increased sexual drive because men are turned off with any talk of women’s reproduction. Letting him believe his theory about women in their forties works for me.
But I couldn’t let him believe that he was losing his mojo. I’m no psychologist but I know stress can decrease anyone’s sexual drive or the opposite, make him or her a raging sexual monster. In his case, his stressful work situation is making him an emotional wreck as of late because he fears losing his job. With my current unemployed state, I can’t blame the guy for freaking out instead of getting his freak on.
But then this early morning, his raging mojo was back when he woke me up in the middle of the night for a booty call. And as usual, I obliged with “Why the hell you waking me up!” Things were back on track.
Mirror Mirror
Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Mirror mirror on the wall, reflect a lie once in a while? Seeing yourself in full view in a dressing room mirror can be quite frightening. That lumpy ass, the muffin top, and the chunks hanging out of your bra remind you, you’ve got to work harder at the gym or start eating healthier. But wait, you have been putting in double time on your workouts and eating less. I’m not afraid of aging but what the hell is going on with my body?
At 5’11, it has been easy to disguise the slow weight gain over the years. I’ve managed to stay within a size 10, which I’m perfectly happy with because I like to eat and allow myself one splurge a week. And thanks to a sensitive stomach, it’s easy to stay away from the really bad foods. I’ve exercised consistently since high school not because I’m obsessed with my weight but exercising provides a stress release, an adrenaline rush, and a good sweat leaves me feeling cleansed. Since hitting the thirty-nine mark, I still get those results but the unexplained weight gain and the aching joints had me worried.
So I scheduled an appointment with my doctor to figure out why I was gaining weight despite the four to five day workouts and healthy eating. At first I thought, “maybe I’m pregnant,” but then that cruel monthly visitor reminded me why I hate being a woman for a week. Once at the doctor’s office, I requested a check up for my under active thyroid, and she obliged but added that I was older and things just don’t work the way they used to. Ouch! That hurt but worse the thyroid test came back normal so that left me with the realization that it’s all down hill from now no matter what I do or change.
While some of our famous friends have their birthday suits sent to the cleaners for pressing with a nip here and a tuck there, it’s not an option in my book. I’d rather look my age than look like those stretched out joker-faced stars splattered on the tabloids.
I’m far from looking my age but the rest of the body isn’t keeping up. My goal is to stay healthy and in shape….but gravity and Mother Nature have a different plan.
Curse the man who created mirrors! You know it had to be a man.
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