women
Say No To Cheating, And Be “Vajajay Worthy”
Wednesday, April 28th, 2010 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
The Jesse James and Tiger Woods’ cheating scandals has many a wife and girlfriend wondering about their own man.
When Sandra Bullock praised her husband at the award shows, did she have any clue? I trust my husband completely, but sometimes I wonder if a hot woman threw herself at him would he bite?
Obviously, I hope not, but I’m very aware that some men can’t think straight when sex is presented to them. Do men’s brains shrink when their other head expands?
Jesse James and Tiger Woods’ outrageous sex-capades are proof that may be the case. Here you have two high-profile people who can’t figure out that these women might talk or some money-hungry witness might cash in on their lack of discretion? But they’re not thinking – their brains have lost all power and drained down south.
Women aren’t totally off the hook. Dating married men is such a cliche, because we know how most of them start and end, but that didn’t stop Woods’ and James’ mistresses from feeling betrayed because they weren’t the only mistress bedding the superstars. Come on wenches. He cheats on his wife…with you – that’s the only evidence you need that this is not a nice, loyal guy out for your best interest. I never understood why women settle for a married man with lots of baggage. Maybe they get off on the drama.
Personally I want a man all to myself, and no one gets into my pants who is not worthy. That may sound conceited, but I believe women have to set standards when getting very personal. You don’t share your fork or spoon with just any anybody, do you? But some women will let any Tom, Dick or Harry access to their private parts. Where is the love…for yourself?
Another question from all this scandal is if men get it regularly from their spouses, would that keep them from straying? Probably not, because relationships are so complicated, especially if they are lacking an emotional connection. As I write this, another man faces the Woods’ and James’ backlash for leaving his pregnant wife and cheating with a twenty-something woman: Tikki Barber joins the cast of the most hated man in America.
So as all this drama plays out in the media, maybe some men will question the next time they are faced with the option of being faithful, or cheating. Perhaps, they should pop in a DVD of Fatal Attraction and scare their cheating ways out of them.
Of course another option would rely solely on women. If all women adapted the “vajayjay worthy” motto, married men everywhere would be lacking women to cheat with.
So who’s with me?
Forbidden Husband
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Oops! My husband finally read my iRate blog post and I’m in trouble.
I usually write my blogs from my iPhone notepad and send it to my private email for review and posting but I sent it to our shared email by mistake and he read it.
He knew I wrote this blog but he never read it and I didn’t want him to since he protested me writing about the whole baby thing. He’s a very private person and never discusses our private life with anyone, not even his friends. So when he read it, he DID NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT. Telling him this blog is anonymous didn’t help.
So I’m forbidden to write about him which is fair — I guess. So I deleted all the blogs about him and promised not to write specific things about him
Am I breaking the rule now by writing this? Probably!
Liar, Liar
Monday, January 11th, 2010 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Over the holidays, this iRate Chick spent a lot of time with family and I realized how much lying and bribing goes on in rearing children. By the time kids get to be teenagers, it’s no wonder they become good at giving it right back to the adults.
My 4 year-old niece Sabrina is quite a handful and mischievous…much like her mom and myself as kids. Over the course of a day, we must have delivered over a dozen lies and threats in order to get her to behave. We threatened her many times with the old ‘Santa doesn’t bring gifts to naughty children’ which straightened her out.
This is actually the first year that’s worked since she started to comprehend the point of Christmas- gifts. At midnight Christmas night, my sister was still wrapping Sabrina’s gifts in the garage and the little girl was no where near sleepy as she waited for Saint Nick.
I ran into the house pretending excitement about Santa coming. We both ran to hide and she choose my mom’s closet which was next door to the entry way with the Christmas tree. Too close I thought but she wouldn’t budge. Her big beautiful brown eyes lit up and she whispered if I had seen the reindeer. ‘Of course’ I replied and then she wanted to see them. To get her to stay put, I continued the fibbing and said they would disappear if any little kids saw them. She was so disappointed… I felt the guilt setting in. I came up with all sorts of excuses. After what seemed like a lifetime she couldn’t wait any longer and escaped my grip. Thank god they were done with placing the presents under the tree. My sister then took over the little white lies about Santa having to leave quick. She opened her gifts (and everyone else’s) in record time forgetting about Santa in no time.
The guilt about the Santa Claus fib kept bugging me. How is she going to react when she finds out he doesn’t really visit once a year bearing gifts?
I tried to remember when my bubble was burst as a child but I don’t recall when that happened and how I took the news. I do remember my mom telling me that Santa Claus did once exist a long long time ago. I figured she too wouldn’t remember the day she found out the truth.
So now that the Santa excuse is put away like the decorations, we’ll go back to the boogeyman, cucuy, and La Llorona threats to keep my niece in line. Hey, it worked on us and we came out sane. If it works, why mess with tradition.
For now I’ll keep mastering the technique…guilt free — for when I have children.
Grouchy Zombie
Saturday, July 11th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
You know you’re tired when you walk into the men’s restroom by accident, not once but twice. My 3am shift has me walking around like a zombie and in a bad mood all the time. Four months into the job and I still haven’t gotten used to the lack of sleep.
Both incidents happened at restaurants. At least when I walked into the men’s restroom the first time, I noticed the urinals right away and stopped in my tracks. Thank god there was no one using those urinals – hello! You would think I would check twice after that but no.
The next time on a Friday night at a Japanese restaurant, not only was I running on empty on snooze hours but I was starving and our friends were running half an hour late. One thing everyone knows about me is that when I’m hungry – feed me or get your head bitten off.
So with an empty stomach and zombie-like state, I went to the restroom. I walked straight into the stall and went about my business as usual. I was washing my hands when a tween boy walked in, stopped, looked at me, checked the sign outside the door and proceeded into the stall. I was thinking why is this boy coming into the women’s restroom and from the mirror watched his movement into the stall. That’s when I saw the urinals (cue the horror music) and I ran out of there so fast I nearly tripped over myself. How did I miss those horribly-looking urinals twice? The rest of the night I avoided running into that boy in the restaurant thinking either a) he told his siblings and parents and they were busy laughing or b) he was too embarrassed to mention it. Hopefully he went with option B.
I was horrified that whole night but thinking back, it was pretty funny. I’m just glad it was a boy and not a grown man who walked in. He would’ve pointed it out and that would have probably been my most embarrassing moment.
I’ve learned my lesson and think twice before walking into a public restroom. If now I can only master the bad mood part.
His Big 4-0
Sunday, May 17th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
On June 2nd, my husband will be turning 40 and it’s not going to be fun. Being unemployed is already taking a toll on him plus he’ll be reaching that number we’ve both dreaded since turning 39 last year.
I thought guys took turning 40 a lot better than women because they don’t have that internal clock ticking but I guess it’s no different.
So to take his mind off things, I’m planning or more accurately should start planning his birthday bash for the last weekend of May. It’s only two weeks away and I haven’t even invited our friends. Bad wife!
Got A Job!
Saturday, May 16th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
There is a God! After not writing on this blog for two months, I can gladly say it’s because I’ve been earning a steady income.
When my husband was laid off in February of 2009, I reassured him that someone will call me for a job and we won’t be in dire straights for long. Did I believe it? I convinced myself that I have to stay positive. A month went by and then it happened. I returned to the work force and working for the “man” again.
As I was packing my suitcase after working a temporary job on location for one week at the 2009 Academy Awards in February, I was calmly freaking out about being unemployed again along with my husband. Thoughts of losing our home and begging for money crossed my mind.
Just then I get a phone call about a job interview and in 24 hours I had the job as a web producer. When I went in for the job interview I was determined I had to get this job. During my interview I started doubting but then something happened. As I was introduced to one of the employees I think I see an old co-worker across the way but she’s now blonde and not sure it’s her. She looks up when I call her name and when she found out I was there for a job she immediately went in to rave about me to the head honcho who hired me on the spot.
Positive thinking and some overtime praying paid off. While it’s $10,000 less annually than my last job, it’s a lot less hours but the early shift was less than desirable. Not in a position to turn any job down, I took the job which has me starting at 3am (PST) and working until 11am or often until noon. Originally I thought the hours are perfect. I can come home and have time for this blog, my other online venture, work on writing a new script, and spend time with the hubby.
Wrong! While the job and people are great, the lack of sleep is really killing me. I’m determined to finish those personal projects and if it means staying up to get it done – so be it. But my body starts telling my to give it a rest at 6pm but I push it until 8 or 9pm. I better start listening to my body soon because I’m burning out fast.
But as mom always said, hard work pays off and that’s what keeps me going on a daily basis.
Graying Skies
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
“What is the science behind gray hair?” I ask myself as I dye my gray roots once again. In a week I’ll start seeing the weeds grow again specifically that one Alfalfa hair on top of my head; thick, coarse, and sticking straight up into the sky. It also occurred to me that the pubic portion isn’t following the same course.
So I went online to research these little rascals and as we all know, gray hair means we’re getting old. The scientific reason behind grays is simple. As we age, we loose our pigmentation and the production of melanin decreases, so your new growth comes out looking a shade of gray BUT in actuality, the hair has no color – it’s transparent. Interesting!
I wish I could see right past these “transparent” hairs but I can’t. In between dye jobs, I hide the grays with a mascara brush and every time my other half tells me not to worry about it -– they look sexy and it’s part of nature’s course. Well, maybe I don’t want to give in to nature. I’m going kicking and screaming. Gray hair is nothing new but now the speed and abundance of the growth is freakin’ annoying.
Then it was time to perform some major maintenance in the arm pit zone and down south. Why isn’t the body hair going the same route ? Nope, those hairs are intact and dark as night. There I wouldn’t mind the grays since I wouldn’t have to shave or trim because they’d be less noticeable. No such luck. My internet research revealed that pubic and body hair are more resistant to graying for some people. Well, I did find one gray hair at the “border” two years ago, which was traumatizing but I yanked it out and it never made an appearance again. I remember showing it to my husband who could care less.
His chest hair is almost blanketed in white fur but he doesn’t mind. It’s kinda sexy. For some reason I’ve been more aware of men with their salt and pepper head of hair and for some, it’s rather sexy in the George Clooney kind of way. Ai, papi!
Can’t say the same for women for the most part. Jamie Lee Curtis’ all natural gray hair look is alright but nothing great. I liked my mom’s salt and pepper look but it did make her look older than her actual age and she colors it regularly too.
So while men look distinguished with their aging hair (those who still have some), women just look old.
Again, women get the raw end of the stick. Now I’m positive God is a man.
Mojo Hijack
Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
My husband is losing his mojo! That’s what he proclaimed yesterday as he struggled to keep up the energy for sex. For the past month, I have noticed the sex maniac was pestering me less every night and I’ve been the one initiating the advances.
Could he have predicted this coming? For years he’s been telling me that with age, men lose their mojo, so I should take advantage of it now…every day. “Good one”, I said but didn’t buy it. Sex twice to three times a week is a healthy request in my book but everyday…ouch!
Furthermore, my husband also heard that when women reach their forties they become more sexual and he couldn’t wait for our forties. Well he might have been right on that too. I’m not quite in my forties yet but I have been feeling a little friskier as of late especially during my mid-cycle when I’m ovulating. Some women have to take their temperature to know when they’re ovulating but not me. I feel the cramps when I’m ovulating which had me worried but my doctor said it’s normal. So despite the fact that I’m not actively looking to become pregnant, my raging hormones are in charge and knocking at my door (literally) to reproduce. Of course, I haven’t explained that to my husband as the reason for my increased sexual drive because men are turned off with any talk of women’s reproduction. Letting him believe his theory about women in their forties works for me.
But I couldn’t let him believe that he was losing his mojo. I’m no psychologist but I know stress can decrease anyone’s sexual drive or the opposite, make him or her a raging sexual monster. In his case, his stressful work situation is making him an emotional wreck as of late because he fears losing his job. With my current unemployed state, I can’t blame the guy for freaking out instead of getting his freak on.
But then this early morning, his raging mojo was back when he woke me up in the middle of the night for a booty call. And as usual, I obliged with “Why the hell you waking me up!” Things were back on track.
Jennifer Aniston’s Bod-acious
Monday, January 5th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | 2 Comments
While my friends and I bitch on a daily basis about our failing bodies, one woman reaching forty, however, is apparently having the opposite effect on her bod’. In the January 2009 issue of GQ, Jennifer Aniston’s poses naked with only a tie, proclaiming…
“I feel more comfortable today than I ever did in my twenties or early twenties. I’m healthier, I’m more at piece in my mind and with my body.”
And who wouldn’t if you looked like that but I’m sure she’s had some help along the way with some Photoshopping. Everyone trashes the paparazzi for their despicable actions including GQ journalist Mark Kirby who documents the herd of photogs outside Jennifer Aniston’s home. But even the reputable media are just as dangerous – portraying celebrities as perfect goddesses or gods. It’s no wonder regular folk especially those struggling with self-image, aspire to be something that’s impossible.
What’s more irritating about the article is Mark Kirby’s statement about Aniston’s perfect body:
“That body- well, as you can see, it defies both time and nature.”
Being male might be distracting Mark Kirby from the true nature of things. Mother nature doesn’t make your body look like that at her age. Apart from Photoshop, let’s not forget the rich can afford to stay in shape with trainers, surgery, and botox. Aniston has had work done but GQ makes no mention of the extra work involved in “that body”. Let’s be real GQ! Don’t put out false illusions out there.
Hey, I’m not hating! Good for Aniston for flaunting her body but I get the feeling she’s got something to prove to a certain ex with six kids and she’s got a younger lover (John Mayer) to satisfy. And the media has her on a baby watch because she is reaching forty and no sign of delivering anytime soon.
Boy, she has it tougher than the iRate Chicks. I don’t envy her. At least we’re aging out of the public eye and people aren’t criticizing every new line on our faces.
I guess fame and success doesn’t buy you everything? Okay, I feel better… for now.
Mirror Mirror
Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Mirror mirror on the wall, reflect a lie once in a while? Seeing yourself in full view in a dressing room mirror can be quite frightening. That lumpy ass, the muffin top, and the chunks hanging out of your bra remind you, you’ve got to work harder at the gym or start eating healthier. But wait, you have been putting in double time on your workouts and eating less. I’m not afraid of aging but what the hell is going on with my body?
At 5’11, it has been easy to disguise the slow weight gain over the years. I’ve managed to stay within a size 10, which I’m perfectly happy with because I like to eat and allow myself one splurge a week. And thanks to a sensitive stomach, it’s easy to stay away from the really bad foods. I’ve exercised consistently since high school not because I’m obsessed with my weight but exercising provides a stress release, an adrenaline rush, and a good sweat leaves me feeling cleansed. Since hitting the thirty-nine mark, I still get those results but the unexplained weight gain and the aching joints had me worried.
So I scheduled an appointment with my doctor to figure out why I was gaining weight despite the four to five day workouts and healthy eating. At first I thought, “maybe I’m pregnant,” but then that cruel monthly visitor reminded me why I hate being a woman for a week. Once at the doctor’s office, I requested a check up for my under active thyroid, and she obliged but added that I was older and things just don’t work the way they used to. Ouch! That hurt but worse the thyroid test came back normal so that left me with the realization that it’s all down hill from now no matter what I do or change.
While some of our famous friends have their birthday suits sent to the cleaners for pressing with a nip here and a tuck there, it’s not an option in my book. I’d rather look my age than look like those stretched out joker-faced stars splattered on the tabloids.
I’m far from looking my age but the rest of the body isn’t keeping up. My goal is to stay healthy and in shape….but gravity and Mother Nature have a different plan.
Curse the man who created mirrors! You know it had to be a man.
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